Ah, Memories

Brittany told me today that a kid that grew up with her siblings is going on his mission soon, and is headed to - of all places - the Guatemala City South mission. I have to say, that brought out several long-sleeping memories, having served there from 2001 to 2003. Brittany asked me what advice I would provide to this new guy, and she was initially going to send my answer in a Facebook message. Those who know me, however, will see a certain flaw in that notion: as a writer, I am nigh-incapable of writing anything in a short form. Therefore, I present a few musings and observations in blog form, and she can send the URL. Much shorter that way.

Guatemala is a beautiful country and is home to some of the friendliest, most humble people one can hope to meet.

All right - I need to pause right there. Every missionary homecoming talk or description of the mission starts like that. It doesn't matter if they served in Madrid, Moldova, Moscow or Minnesota - a similar phrase inevitably works its way in somehow. I'll pass on the Mormon cliches for the moment and move on to a few unorthodox observations and things that often go unreported.

First off, the South mission (last I checked) is made up of about 2/3 of the capital city and most of the southern part of the country. You might have guessed that second part. It also includes the affluent sectors of the capital - including the Guatemala City Temple, which you'll be able to frequent during the mission - and also the distant port of Puerto Barrios, which entails an eight-hour bus ride to reach mission headquarters. I never had to endure that one, but I'm told that it's not fun. The capital has many modern amenities, but if you're a fan of peanut butter, root beer, or Arby's, stock up before going because you'll be hard-pressed to find any of them down there.

If you've done any reading on the country, you've probably come across many a mention of Antigua, Atitlan, incredible ruins, indigenous Mayan tribes, and beautiful jungle. Go ahead and forget about most of those while you're there - the jungle is in the north and west, Antigua is in the Central mission, and most of the Mayan villages are outside the mission boundaries. With that being said, the South mission is chock-full of beautiful sights - ask the locals for the best ones.

A few cultural oddities include the following:
-Go ahead and extend your hand towards someone in the room with your fingers spread slightly apart, like you are going to shake their hand. Congratulations, you've just "showed the hand" (enseñó la mano), which is equivalent to our "giving the finger." Handshakes are perfectly acceptable, and few people would likely take offense at an open-fingered mistake ("stupid gringo"), but just in case, keep your fingers together when extending the hand, especially to a stranger.
-Like the rest of the world, soccer is huge. The two favorite country teams (and bitter, bitter rivals as far as I'm aware) are the Cremas and the Rojos - learn a little something about them and you'll be able to strike up a casual conversation with 99% of the population. The people will be more likely to listen to you and trust you if you show interest in their cultural obsessions as well. The worst thing you can do in terms of dealing with the people is come across as not interested in their culture.

An absolutely essential rule to follow is this: don't drink the water. The tap water is unfiltered and can give you all sorts of ugly diseases. Bagged water, while sounding like a weird concept, is cheap, plentiful and very handy when walking from place to place. Bottled water on average costs six times more and tastes the same. Save your money - use bags when convenient.

Another essential rule to follow is this: if offered a drink, drink it. These are a giving people, and one must show proper respect of one's hosts. This unfortunately includes water, which can be a violation of Essential Rule Number One in rural areas and in certain poor parts of the capital, where you'll likely spend at least half your mission. Thing is, poorer people can't afford the purified stuff, but you don't want to offend them by refusing something offered to you. The typical missionary solution is "pray and hope for the best," but there's another solution: good old-fashioned Coca Cola. Coke is acidic enough to eat away a nail overnight, and when used properly, it will eat most of the parasites that might come through tap water. One liter within an hour seemed to do the trick in the rural areas.

One more thing: there is a phenomenon in Central America known as B.U. (pronounced "boo" - I'll save the meaning of the acronym for your own discovery). It crops up under other names in popular culture, with the tourist variant being "Montezuma's Revenge." No matter how hard you try or how strong your GI tract may be, you will experience it, guaranteed. It strikes without warning and attacks without mercy. For the sake of space in one's backpack or other bag, I've found that one can fold an emergency supply of toilet paper into a 35mm film canister to handle a single - ahem - "gastrointestinal emergency." My mission was in the pre-digital camera era, so those were convenient for us - I'm not sure what a comparable equivalent would for today's young whippersnappers. Suffice to say, though, emergency rations are an ABSOLUTE must.

This sort of reminiscing brought back many memories, some scary, and some good. I may have to revisit this topic - if there are any questions or anything one of you would like me to cover, please - I take requests.